In Genesis God states that it was not good that man was alone. Adam, upon meeting his wife spoke the first recorded words of man, and in Hebrew, it is a poem.
Adam said, “This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.” Essentially, this woman is me.
It’s better that you are married. But we have to understand that marriage is not the reward for responsible men – marriage is the means that God uses to make responsible men. Without your wife you were incomplete. And your response to her should be poetic praise.
That completeness isn’t like icing on the cake. It’s not about having a cook or a housecleaner or extra income or something pretty clinging to your arm as you go about impressing everyone.
Your wife completes you because she brings into your life all of the glorious qualities that make men higher beings than the animals. She softens you into creatures that are images of Christ.
Marriage is a long obedience in the same direction and God uses it to shape men into little Christs.
Gentleness, Patience, kindness, self-control – all the things you need to handle the weaker vessel. And the weaker vessel is the weaker vessel like gold is the softer metal. Gold is soft so that it is malleable –able to be shaped, molded and altered by the forces applied to into adorning objects of Beauty.
You are that force.
So, by learning to shape that gold you are being shaped into a gentle, patient, kind, self-controlled craftsman. Heavy-handed dunderheads will make a mess of it.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” Ephesians 5:25-26
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.” Proverbs 12:4
“but woman is the glory of man.” 1 Corinthians 11:7
And of course, all these virtues (goodness, patience, kindness, self-control) –are contrary to your nature, because you are fallen and because you are MEN – They are the fruit of the spirit. Only in the power of the Holy Spirit will you handle your gold, your crown of glory, properly like a king.
Crowns are a glorious burden that call forth within man, divine attributes.
Gentlemen, is your wife a burden? She should be. She should be a burden like a hundred-pound weight is a burden –the more you lift and carry it the stronger you get. Not a burden like a curse. Not a burden like an annoyance. A burden designed to make you stronger and more masculine by carrying it.
And the greater the weight of the burden the richer you are – just like gold. Because your wives are gold and God gave you broad shoulders to carry burdens.
You aren’t making bricks without straw, you are shaping and molding crowns to lay at the Lord’s feet.
Fellas. Take some time and sit down. Write out two lists. The first is a list of pros – all the blessings, glories and underserved graces that your wife is to you. A list of her virtues, qualities and God-like attributes.
The second list is a list of cons – the areas in her life that need work. The burdensome vices, the difficulties, the lack of virtues, the areas that need improvement.
And if your list of pros isn’t, at the very least, five times longer than the cons, the problem isn’t her – it’s you.
The way you view her, the way you lead her and the way you are NOT shaping her. You are not approaching your marriage like a Christian man.
Your glory is not your job or reputation or fantasy team. It’s not your stature or knowledge, your degrees or accolades that make you a worthy man – she is all that makes you a worthy man, she is what makes you whole.
Do you want to be like Christ? Do you want to have – not just a reputation for- but actual godliness? Do you want to manifest the glory of Christ throughout your life? Then your glory, honor and crown must be your wife.
Do what Christ did, how Christ did it and you will have a beautiful crown. She will be your glory. But remember, before the crown comes the cross.